Celebrate Independence

Today was a good day. I went to a bbq and met new boys even though none were available or had interest in me. Then in the evening I had an impromptu "Lonely Ladies" (aka LoLa) night with a friend and the Sex And The City Movie.

Do you know any other way to celebrate independence?

I've been a bit blue this week. This was supposed to be the week the Canadian was going to visit me. I've been doing well so far. I had a long stretch of time where I didn't think about him at all. It's just this week that I'm remembering. And I admit that I miss him, but I'm not sure what I miss - him, the company, or the idea that someone out there adored me.

Will I ever find another guy whose eyes light up when I enter the room?

I suppose these thoughts come to mind as I see my friends struggle in their relationships. I just hope their struggle toward a common goal - a successful relationship. Sometimes I want to ask them "what does this successful relationship look like?" because everyone seems to want that so much. For my friend it would mean marriage and children. For the Canadian, for whom my question originated, I think he'd say one that would last forever, especially after his two marriages ended.

It just dawned on me that as we get older and recover from the relationship war wounds, we either take bigger risks or become afraid. Risk-taker because you've lived through it all and now you can survive any ordeal. Or afraid because you just don't want to make another mistake and end up hurt.

I'm going to be a risk-taker.