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It's a new year. So strange. A new beginning and yet everything stays the same. I was talking to BFF about how everything moves so fast and so slow at the same time.
Deep, philosophical conversations are best made over the phone and after Christmas Day.
I was talking to a co-worker about how far we've come from where we were last year. At this time last year I was with The Canadian and contemplating how I could continue to be with him. Now I feel like I'm with the man I was supposed to end up with all along. My co-worker was on the road to being engaged and now he's a single bachelor enjoying his free time.
I miss being single. I miss setting my own time and agenda. I miss not having to be accountable to anyone but myself. I miss being a crazy, carefree single lady, using then flipping off the unworthiest of men. I miss being reckless because I could be. I miss being skinny.
When I was single I felt like the bravest of women.
BUT I love having a partner in crime. I love that I have this guy who's obliged to have sex with me on a regular basis (and there haven't been any objections from Him). I love sharing my adventures with Him and discovering every detail about Him and revealing stuff about me.
I still feel brave, but in an entirely different way.
So, my resolution this year (in addition to my regular resolutions like get/stay skinny and conquer pole dancing)...
Be Brave.
Tonight I put up a photo of Us in my apartment. I took the one of me and The Canadian out of the frame. On any other occasion I would have hid that photo away, but this time I tore it up.
That relationship was broken and now, so is the memory.
It's a new Us from now on.
Last night I had a nightmare about The Canadian. He showed up and started pestering me, begging me to come back and that he loved me all along. I just kept pushing him away and saying, "Get away from me! It's too late."
I know exactly why I dreamt of him too. Because of this. And maybe because around this time last year The Canadian and I were planning our New Year's escape.
I was talking to my stylist about why He stands out from all the other guys I've dated/had a fling with. The most important - He wants to be with me. That's it. In the past I've always been attracted to the guys who, yes, like me but for one reason or another can't be with me. Let's list it out, shall we?
- Former Work Crush - couldn't date me because we work together
- DK - couldn't date me because he didn't believe in defining relationships and wasn't around anyway
- The Canadian - couldn't date me because of his own midlife crisis and he's too caught up in wanting to have a "perfect relationship". Long distance is not perfect.
I love this idea in spirit. In practice, let me tell you - all singles cruises are cougar cruises. Sure it's not organized or advertised as such, but the demographic for the ladies on a singles cruise sways a bit older. I was the youngest one when I went on my first cruise at 26. In general the singles cruises sway older for both sides.
It's a geriatric free-for-all on the high seas.
This weekend I went to my first baby shower...and it wasn't even my baby.
I started a Dating LA Tumblr. I don't need another blog, but I think it will motivate me to post a different kind of Dating LA content; more generalized about love and dating, and not as specific to my own dating experiences which I'll keep to this blog.
