It's a new year. So strange. A new beginning and yet everything stays the same. I was talking to BFF about how everything moves so fast and so slow at the same time.
Deep, philosophical conversations are best made over the phone and after Christmas Day.
I was talking to a co-worker about how far we've come from where we were last year. At this time last year I was with The Canadian and contemplating how I could continue to be with him. Now I feel like I'm with the man I was supposed to end up with all along. My co-worker was on the road to being engaged and now he's a single bachelor enjoying his free time.
I miss being single. I miss setting my own time and agenda. I miss not having to be accountable to anyone but myself. I miss being a crazy, carefree single lady, using then flipping off the unworthiest of men. I miss being reckless because I could be. I miss being skinny.
When I was single I felt like the bravest of women.
BUT I love having a partner in crime. I love that I have this guy who's obliged to have sex with me on a regular basis (and there haven't been any objections from Him). I love sharing my adventures with Him and discovering every detail about Him and revealing stuff about me.
I still feel brave, but in an entirely different way.
So, my resolution this year (in addition to my regular resolutions like get/stay skinny and conquer pole dancing)...
Be Brave.
Tonight I put up a photo of Us in my apartment. I took the one of me and The Canadian out of the frame. On any other occasion I would have hid that photo away, but this time I tore it up.
That relationship was broken and now, so is the memory.
It's a new Us from now on.
Last night I had a nightmare about The Canadian. He showed up and started pestering me, begging me to come back and that he loved me all along. I just kept pushing him away and saying, "Get away from me! It's too late."
I know exactly why I dreamt of him too. Because of this. And maybe because around this time last year The Canadian and I were planning our New Year's escape.
I was talking to my stylist about why He stands out from all the other guys I've dated/had a fling with. The most important - He wants to be with me. That's it. In the past I've always been attracted to the guys who, yes, like me but for one reason or another can't be with me. Let's list it out, shall we?
I love this idea in spirit. In practice, let me tell you - all singles cruises are cougar cruises. Sure it's not organized or advertised as such, but the demographic for the ladies on a singles cruise sways a bit older. I was the youngest one when I went on my first cruise at 26. In general the singles cruises sway older for both sides.
It's a geriatric free-for-all on the high seas.
This weekend I went to my first baby shower...and it wasn't even my baby.
I started a Dating LA Tumblr. I don't need another blog, but I think it will motivate me to post a different kind of Dating LA content; more generalized about love and dating, and not as specific to my own dating experiences which I'll keep to this blog.
It's the holidays and this year I actually have holiday conflicts. Usually the default is to go home and spend it with my family. Now He's a major player. It's too soon to introduce Him to the folks. I've never introduced any of my boyfriends to my family before, so for me to do that...well, it really means something.
Thanksgiving I'm spending with Him. It just turned out that way. I was planning on going home for Thursday and Friday, but I booked another laser facial Friday. The plan is to spend Wed-Thurs-part of Friday with Him, and head home to recover at home with my parents after the procedure.
We've started talking about our Winter Holiday plans. Not sure what we're doing, but we've thrown around options. Go north again and venture into Napa. Go south and explore my hometown and eat carne asada fries. Or...
Go to Vegas...
Return to the scene of the cryme? I shudder internally at the thought, but wouldn't that be sweet justice and redemption for last year? Of course He doesn't know about the Canadian. He doesn't know the details about any of the dates I've been on. I'd rather keep it that way.
I'd rather forget it ever happened.
So, maybe I do need to do Vegas. For closure. To wipe that city clean (so to speak) for me. What do you think?
Otherwise my vote is for San Diego so I can eat carne asada fries everyday.