6 posts tagged “breakup”

Recently my girlfriend G and her bf broke up. She was devastated. You see, she's the type of girl who needs her self-worth validated by a man. I was certain she would never break up with him. She needs him too much; any man too much. So, I was shocked at the break up.

I thought for sure she'd do anything to make it work.

And I guess I was right because she's going to give it another go with the guy. I can't hold that against her. I did the same with the Canadian. But now that she's back together with him, I can't help but ask...

Did she learn anything about herself?

Here's a dear friend of mine who can't even see how fantastic she is. Who has just barely scrapped the surface of what she's capable of. She's afraid unless she has someone (ie: a guy) reinforce her. I bet she wouldn't have been so afraid to show off her 112lbs frame at the beach if her bf was around. I just watch her end up with these insecure, relationship inexperienced boys. Then she complains that they don't want the relationship to progress; they have trouble communicating; she constantly has to validate them...I wonder if she'll ever get it.

You act insecure, you attract insecure.

She says she wishes she could be more like me - adventurous, risk-taking, etc. What's stopping her? Nothing. Anything she believes is a barrier is an illusion. It's all a choice. I have (unfounded) hang-ups, too, but I hope I'm pushing through my fears to be a stronger person.

If everything works out, then that's wonderful. It means there was some sort of transformation between the two and they've become stronger for it. It's not for me to tell her what to do, what to think, what to realize from her experiences. That's her own discovery.

But I can't help, but think that this was the same friend who encouraged me, everytime, to dump the guy. It doesn't seem fair somehow...

Yesterday I was doing alright. I was levelheaded and possibly optimistic about things in general.

Today, not so much. Maybe it's just my hangover from partying at HERE, but today I miss him. Today I'm freaking out about someone I decided to let go. Today I want to fast forward time to when I don't think about him anymore because there's another distraction in my life.

I'm forgetting him and he's forgetting me. It's so scary. Did we mean anything to each other at all?

This "breakup" is markedly different from the others I've shared here. The sadness is deeper and more profound.

And I find myself more tempted to act out.

Like - why am I on Craigslist trolling again? What do I hope to find? I read through the posts and think "there is so much loneliness out there." I'm not alone in feeling alone.

Why can't we all be loved?

EDIT: I take that back. People aren't lonely. They are freaks. Freaks! I won't go into how I came to that conclusion. You really don't want to know and it was partly my bad; I was looking for trouble. But I think I'm over the worst of this "sad" business of mine. Dancing with gay men helped tonight. I'm seeing Britney in concert Thursday. I think I can move on and be happy on my own (thanks SLF!)

I'm having an anxiety attack. Why is this so hard for me?

I'll get better. I promise.

Gawd. I'm reading through past entries of mine. I was hung up on DK for almost a year after our last encounter/fuck. And I only really got over him until I met The Canadian.

Will I be hung up on The Canadian for that long too?

Geezus!

I know I'm wounded right now and it takes time to heal wounds, but am I going to be hung up on some guy who didn't really want me anyway until the next guy (who probably won't really want me) comes along?

Is that how this works?

So frustrating. I bet that guy isn't thinking about his loss for a second. Why am I like this?

What's the worst way you've ever been broken up with?

Hmm. I think over the phone is pretty bad, but then it was a long distance relationship.

I think the worst way ever is to not break up with me. As in just disappear like DK did. When you break up hopefully you say all you have to say and then that's it. When you just disappear you don't have any closure.