72 posts tagged “dating”

Strictly platonic ads on Craigslist are a bunch of bunk. It's never strictly platonic. So, after a week of being in the dating dumps, I went on a date of sorts with J070608, a guy I found in the strictly platonic section of CL. It was a pleasant date. Again, no sparks. But then he said something...strange.

I'm not 35; I'm 37.

He lied about his age. He did this because when he posts his real age he tends to meet people that don't fit his lifestyle. Sooner or later we all lie about our ages, but this is strictly platonic here. I have friends in their 40s; who the fuck cares?

Still, I was not amused.

It maybe be two years, but 37 is not 35. 37 is closer to 40 and, in my opinion, a man who is almost 40, never been married...that means eternal bachelor.

This guy wants to be single.

I also did the math in my head. He'll be turning 38 this year. This guy is 10 years older than me. That's a generation gap and I'm just not up for dealing with it.

But, as I said, it's strictly platonic.

I hate chatting online. I hate chatting online as a means of "getting to know you". I grew out of chatting with strange boys and falling in love with them once I graduated from high school.

The thing about chatting online is there's too much of your own projected fantasies and expectations built up in the conversation. And when you do finally meet each other, you've pretty much set yourself up for disappointment because what guy can live up to the guy you imagined in your mind.

No one.

So, by rule I try to meet the guys in person as soon as possible. That's why I was already irritated by date K220508 because he wanted to chat with me and there was no sign that he was going to ask me out. I finally had to tell him that I usually don't chat with guys for extended periods of time (we've been chatting on and off, more off, for about 3 weeks). I prefer to meet them ASAP for the reasons above.

But it was already too late because he was growing attached to me online. Dude, I'm at work, so I can't sit there and respond to each of your IMs right away. I have shit to do. He started looking up things for us to do together. And then there was this.

*hugs

He would type that to me. Hugs. Gag! I don't know you and you don't know me and you're cyber hugging me.

As I learned more about him through our phone conversation, I knew we were incompatible. I was bored. I was annoyed. I had enough.

But I still wanted my free dinner.

So it was with my recent cynical dating/relationship attitude that I went on another Crazy Blind Date tonight. I had forgotten that I signed up for one and I didn't want to cancel it. I think those CBD people keep a running score of how many times you cancel (twice for me) and then set you up with not so great guys as punishment.

That's not to say my date tonight was bad. He was just fine. We talked about geeky stuff, stuff that on first meeting me you would probably never realize I was into.

Yes, I'm a fan of Batman, okay?

But my cynicism underlined our playful conversation. My date said he respected honesty, so I asked him.

Do guys believe in The One? Or do they approach marriage as just another milestone to accomplish at a certain age and whoever's around will be that One?

His response:

Sure, we believe in The One. I definitely wouldn't settle. I don't think settling is a matter of the guy. I think it's an individual preference.

I guess there are some good guys left.

I give up, I tell you. I. GIve. Up.

This whole dating thing has left me more cynical about relationships. It's like I've been on a diet for a year and have not seen any results.

Where are my dating results?

I just keep adding to my numbers of not-quite-right men and being rejected by the one(s) I do like. It's just not going to happen for me. I have to embrace this and be okay with this. I'm just not meant to be in a relationship.

I am destined to be on my own.

And I have to take responsibility for this. I want a relationship, however I don't want it enough to just settle (down) for anything. Otherwise, I'd probably be with the Irishman now or even FWC. If only I could just set my standards lower. Just compromise my gut feeling, my instinct, my "no" alarm and take anyone that came my. Then, only then, will I be in a relationship.

But since I can't shut out instincts, since I have to feel those butterflies in my stomach, I think I will always be single. It seems impossible, right now, that I will ever meet a guy that will make me float on air. 

Had a second date with J120408. We went to the movies. How very "second date".

I was a bit peeved by him though because we planned to see this weekend's blockbuster and he asked me to arrive an hour early, just in case of lines. I got there, but he was running late. How very LA. I couldn't wait inside the theater to save seats because he bought the tickets online. He didn't show up until 10 minutes before show time and there were no seats left, so we exchanged the tickets for a later showing.

Blah blah blah.

Being late because of traffic is just a fact of life in LA, but if I can make it to our date on time, so can you. It was just a rocky start to the date, not alleviated by his nervous personality. I wanted to suggest he take a public speaking course, but I'm trying not to be an uber bitch this year.

The only bright side to the day was that the movie rocked.

Something's in the air. I keep reading posts in my Vox 'hood and I'm not the only one in a dating funk. When is this feeling (or lack of feeling) going to pass?

Had a third date with the Irishman. We went to a nice place for dinner. I picked. In fact I've picked all of our date locations. He's new to the States and I also think he's trying to be a gentleman.

And yes, he is a gentleman. He always pays, always opens the door. He has nice manners. Sometimes his real Irish comes out in spurts about stupid things we do in America like over salt our fries and a bitch about a pen not working. Yeah, there's really nothing to complain about him.

But...

By the third date you should know right? You should know if this person is something special, worthwhile. I feel nothing. Nothing. Ambivalent. Eh.

Also, something occurred in which we finally acknowledged our ages. He is in fact 25 and he knows very well that I am 28. 3 years, not a big deal, but this affirmation led to a conversation in which he said that before now he was just floating through life without a clear direction. Then he asked me...

Does 30 scare you?

Yes, because I'm almost 30 and still have not had a serious relationship.

I didn't tell him that. But it was clear that we're in different stages in our lives and I don't want to watch someone go through their 20s. I'm almost done with this stupid transitional decade. I want out of my 20s so bad. It's painful watching my brother go through his quarter-life crisis.

UGH.

But back to the real crisis at hand. You should know by the third date, right? I just don't feel any spark. Any deeper connection. And it doesn't help that Irishman isn't making any moves on me at all. (He's a gentleman remember?). If he made a move I think I would know for sure. As it stands I just feel this awkwardness that I don't know what his expectations are.

So, I guess that means he wants me to decide. Why do I always have to decide for him?

Okay Dating LA - why do you keep accepting dates with him? Can't think of a good reason no to. Boredom. Something to do.

I'm an awful person.

So, the Irishman blogged about me. I won't link to his blog, but I'll paraphrase what he said. He wrote that he went on a second date (me) and that he thinks there will be a 3rd.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Now I feel some pressure and that he's expecting something, something that I don't think I want to give. I guess I wasn't clear enough when we last spoke about our status. I don't object to hanging out with him, but I only feel platonic towards him.

I'm just not that into him.

I think my most telltale sign that I'm not into the Irishman was when I thought I had run into my ex over the weekend. I wanted to hide. I didn't want to be seen with the Irishman. If I really, really liked that guy I'd want to show him off. I'd want everyone in the world to see us together. I'd want to rub it in my ex and his girlfriend's faces that I upgraded.

Now I'm dreading getting a call from the Irishman.

Yes, I am aware that I am blogging about the Irishman like he did me, but I never told him about this blog. Don't tell the people you're dating where to find your secret thoughts about them.

But we're never going to survive unless we get a little crazy." - Seal, Crazy.

Today was the second date with the Irishman. I made him come out to Thai Town for the Curry festival. The date was alright except it was extremely hot and the Irishman was about to melt. So, really it was just a normal Spring-to-Summer day in SoCal.

Nothing really special happened. We just had really cerebral conversation such as "We do this in America. Do they do that in Ireland?" and vice versa, so on and so on. I guess you could say it was another safe date. Neither of us let down our guard and let go.

Neither of us want to reveal our crazy card.

That was until some guy walked by with a parrot on his shoulder. I couldn't help, but make a smart remark. I just couldn't help myself.

I revealed a bit of my crazy.

Do you get what I'm saying? When you first meet people you try to hide all the little weird quarks about yourself that might turn off a regular stranger. Oh, you're friends find it charming and endearing and your family, well, you probably picked up your crazy from them. But it's such a relief when you meet a guy who's just as crazy as you are.

I don't know what the Irishman's crazy is. Maybe he's one of the freaks who doesn't have a crazy. They're the worst!

At the end of the date Irishman asked me about American dating etiquette. "Well, in America we tend to not discuss anything and it's all a guessing game." So, I made a concession and was totally honest, as is the Irish custom. I told him that I was dating around and not seeing anyone seriously. I also said that I hadn't really decided how I feel about him. He seemed to take it well.

That's one custom I'm very willing to adopt.