41 posts tagged “dk”

Everytime I start comparing myself to another woman and bringing myself down, I think

Yeah, but can she pole dance?

Everytime I start imagining DK being with some super sexy hot woman who is not me, I think

Yeah, but can she pole dance?

Pole dancing makes me stronger.

I just got off the phone with a potential date. I don't think I want him to be a potential date anymore.

I've acknowledged that I have trouble settling, but what would I be settling for? This new guy I just talked to is the exact age as me, and yet we're in such different places he can't relate to my life and I can't relate to his. I'm not even 30 and am in a middle management position, have my own place, well cultured, and educated. I don't relate to a guy who still lives with his parents (by choice), still in school yet has no career direction and just wants to talk about food and cars. That sounds like a deal breaker to me.

All I want is to be able to talk to a guy and it won't be a chore.

Sadly, the only guy in recent times that I felt I had a connection with was DK. I guess this is why I hold onto him in my mind and heart so much.

Why is it so difficult? It seems like everyone else can just fall into a relationship. Is there really no guy out there for me?

...I want to have sex.

Last night I dreamt I was hanging out with FWC in his apartment. I don't know why, but I'm there and I guess we're friends again in my dream. Anyway, he starts to make a move on me and things get hot and heavy. Soon we're naked and about to have sex, however FWC can't get it in (at least he got it up). He's just poking me and missing the entry and finally gives up saying, "If I don't get it after a couple tries then it's time to give up." I'm not devastated, but not really interested in hanging out anymore, so I pack up and leave.

I did notice that my subconscious gave FWC a small penis and he wasn't circumsized.

I've left FWC's building and I see a man in front of me. I recognize the guy right away. It's DK. When I see a friend unexpectedly and they don't see me, my habit is to tackle them. That's what I did in this dream - I ran up behind DK and tackled him. That's when I notice that he's with a girl (not very pretty at all). DK seems pleased to see me, doesn't introduce me to the girl and all three of us go to a picnic table (magically appears) to catch up.

As DK and I are talking I see out of the corner of my eye the girl try to take DK's hand. He brushes her hand off and then persuades her to go home without him, so he can keep talking to me. When she's gone DK is basically all over me. It feels very familiar. He explains that the girl is just a roommate and he moved in to save some money. There's talk about how much he missed me blah blah blah.

We end up back at my apartment and have sex...successfully.

And that's that. I haven't had sex since October. I'm still keeping with my resolution of less empty sex and more meaningful sex.

Another good date tonight. M290308 gave me the best first date conversation in a long time. Not that physically attractive - he was a bit...greasy. He was very enthusiastic about CBD. He joined the site back in February before it's public beta testing phase. So, I'm pretty sure he's been on many, many, many crazy blind dates. It was kind of a relief because it took the pressure off the date to admit that we used a website to meet and that there wasn't anything more to our meeting.

Like a one-night stand, but without the sex.

One point of the night I had a six degrees of separation moment when M290308 mentioned where he worked.

Him: I work at [place].
Me: Really? I know someone who works there.

I sure do. Stupidjerkfaceassholebastard works there. DK. DK and M290308 work at the same place. And starting next week M290308 will be working on the same movie DK is (or was I don't know if he's still there) working on.

Maybe it was a mistake to mention DK. What if they talk to each other and DK finds out that I've been dating?

HA! If DK really wanted to keep me to himself he would have done more to keep me. I hope he does find out. And I hope M290308 mentions that I've been taking pole dancing classes.

Ha!

HA!

Dear readers. I've been withholding information from you. I got this email last week:

Monday, March 10, 2008 8:46:49 PM

I lost your #.  I lost my cell.

DK

To be honest, I was elated. He remembered me. He was trying to get in contact with me. I wasn't forgotten.

Then I thought it over.

Did he lose his cell a long time ago, only now realizing that he didn't have my number because he tried to call me and couldn't find it? Or did he just lose his cell that day and was trying to rebuild his black book of ladies' numbers in his harem while passing on his STD? And why does he even care to still have my number when he won't call me anyway? Why did he wait so long? How come he couldn't call me all these months when he was able to come home at 8:45PM? What the fuck does he want from me?!

I lost your #.  I lost my cell.

I want answers. My pride won't allow me to call him and demand what I deserve. I'd just be talking to a brickwall. And I'm afraid I'll get sucked back in because he's the kind of guy that can suck me back in. He really is my Mr. Big. Even Carrie couldn't pull herself away from him.

Something woke me up. He had shifted in bed. The next thing I know we're spooning and it was just like old times.

It's amazing how I can fall back into habit with DK.

Then he rolled me over and suddenly he's on top of me gazing down with that look. I don't say a word, just look right back at him and run my hands down his chest. I think it's about 4 in the morning. It really is like old times. He's out of bed at 6 and I watch as he puts his blue shirt on. Then he turns to me and says,

You know, I wish you would have called me or something. If it really bothered you that much.

Then he was gone.

Then I woke up to the sound of the rain. It was all a dream.

Have you ever been on either end of an unrequited love? 
Submitted by 怒涛の鮫.

I've been on both ends. I was the object of love for Stalker. It was difficult not only because he was stalking me, but because I just couldn't make him understand that I just wasn't that into him. He couldn't accept how I felt and that alone means we're not compatible.

In my world, if you love someone you want them to be happy, even if their happiness means having nothing to do with you. Sometimes the best thing you can give to someone you love is freedom, and to give them up.

And so that's why, on some level, I can understand when someone isn't into me - because I've been on the other end. It doesn't hurt any less. I cry; I pine for DK, but what can I do? He doesn't want me, and the best thing I can do for myself and for the man I could have possibly loved the most in my entire life - give him up and not give him grief about it.

Tonight I was at my friend's birthday party determined to flirt my way around the bar. But when I got there, I froze. So, I stepped outside.

I called DK.

I wanted to hear his voice. Just hear his voicemail. But after one ring I hung up.

I'm so stupid.

i left the party early. I just couldn't do it today.

Me: we never do stuff anymore
FWC: :(
FWC: Lets do something tonight then
Me: like what?
FWC: I dont know
FWC: Lets go talk and get hot chocolate or something
Me: ok
FWC: Cool

I knew exactly what I was doing. I was trying to make something happen, as one former reader pointed out once. But nothing happened. We went to his apartment to talk and then out to dinner. The entire time was spent avoiding the things he possibly said about him being interested in me. I came away wholeheartedly believing that FWC is just plain confused about women.

And he's a coward.

If he really digs me, he's setting up a lot of barriers to not be with me. Excuses like "we shouldn't because we work together" or "we shouldn't because I'm not [religious affiliation]". I don't find this flattering to me at all. It makes me think that he's ashamed to be with me and that, frankly, he's really not that interested.

I don't want to date anymore cowards. The thing I loved about DK was that when I was with him, he made me feel like the center of his universe. He threw caution to the wind, left all his reservations behind. He was with me. What other obstacles would FWC put in place if we were to hook up?

Since FWC's holiday confession he's been more forward about his intentions. And I've been more welcome to his advances while still keeping with my "no boys" resolution. Everyday that passes I become more and more convinced that DK has dropped me. I can't remember what he sounds like and I can barely remember how it felt to be held by him as we cuddled in bed.

But just because DK's out of the picture doesn't mean I should just accept the next guy in waiting - FWC.

Or does it?

Remember in Sex and the City when Carrie wants Aidan back? I always wondered why she did that. Just because she saw him again looking hot? Or was she just lonely and didn't want to be alone anymore. Maybe I'm only considering hooking up with FWC because I'm lonely and not because I genuinely want to be with him.

I know one thing - I don't feel the same passion for FWC that I did, and still do, for DK. I don't know if I'll ever feel that strongly for someone ever again.