50 posts tagged “dk”

Last night I had a nightmare about The Canadian. He showed up and started pestering me, begging me to come back and that he loved me all along. I just kept pushing him away and saying, "Get away from me! It's too late."

I know exactly why I dreamt of him too. Because of this. And maybe because around this time last year The Canadian and I were planning our New Year's escape.

I was talking to my stylist about why He stands out from all the other guys I've dated/had a fling with. The most important - He wants to be with me. That's it. In the past I've always been attracted to the guys who, yes, like me but for one reason or another can't be with me. Let's list it out, shall we?

Today at work one of the marketing execs stopped by and I noticed she was "showing". I didn't think she was seeing someone, so I interrogated my co-worker and found out...

She's having a baby on her own.

The whole situation made me think of this article in which the author Lori Gottlieb extols the glories of settling. Her was this woman in a high-power position, attractive, probably in her mid-thirties, deciding to have a baby on her own.

And still single.

How come she didn't settle, like in Gottlieb's article? What exactly was she looking for and convinced that she hadn't found yet? At this point in my life, with 30 on the horizon, I wonder if one day I'll get to the point where I'll "settle". The Canadian used to say "everyone settles" because there's always something better out there.

I think we had different ideas of settling.

Reading through this article, I wonder if it really is too much to ask that I be in a relationship, regardless of where it leads, with a guy who adores me. In the last 2 years, I've met two guys who, even for a short time, were really into me. And I was into them. I know "chemistry" is difficult to muster, but I just wonder what exactly does it mean to settle.

From my dating adventures, here's all I know - I want someone honest, someone brave, someone interesting. When people ask what my type is, I don't know how to answer. I feel like if I did I'm pigeon-holing myself from a potential fantastic. I know I used to have a list, but I don't know what's on it anymore. Not really.

Maybe I'm already starting to settle, in my own way.

The two guys that changed the way I think about what my ideal were DK and The Canadian. And even though both ended because the relationship just couldn't continue, when I was with them all I knew was that I cared for them just the way they are and I could overlook anything that would have been a deal breaker - yes, even the STD.

Then I read this:

Settling is mostly a women’s game. Men settle far less often and, when they do, they don’t seem the least bit bothered by the fact that they’re settling.

My friend Alan, for instance, justified his choice of a “bland” wife who’s a good mom but with whom he shares little connection this way: “I think one-stop shopping is overrated. I get passion at my office with my work, or with my friends that I sometimes call or chat with—it’s not the same, and, boy, it would be exciting to have it with my spouse. But I spend more time with people at my office than I do with my spouse.”

Then there’s my friend Chris, a single 35-year-old marketing consultant who for three years dated someone he calls “the perfect woman”—a kind and beautiful surgeon. She broke off the relationship several times because, she told him with regret, she didn’t think she wanted to spend her life with him. Each time, Chris would persuade her to reconsider, until finally she called it off for good, saying that she just couldn’t marry somebody she wasn’t in love with. Chris was devastated, but now that his ex-girlfriend has reached 35, he’s suddenly hopeful about their future.

“By the time she turns 37,” Chris said confidently, “she’ll come back. And I’ll bet she’ll marry me then. I know she wants to have kids.” I asked Chris why he would want to be with a woman who wasn’t in love with him. Wouldn’t he be settling, too, by marrying someone who would be using him to have a family? Chris didn’t see it that way at all. “She’ll be settling,” Chris said cheerfully. “But not me. I get to marry the woman of my dreams. That’s not settling. That’s the fantasy.”

Chris believes that women are far too picky: everyone knows, he says, that a single middle-aged man still has appealing prospects; a single middle-aged woman likely doesn’t. And he’s right. Single women are painfully aware of this. I hear far more women than men talk about getting married as a goal to be met by a certain deadline. My friend Gabe points out that this allows men to be the true romantics; when a man breaks up with a perfectly acceptable woman because he’s “just not feeling it,” there’s none of the ambivalence a woman with a deadline feels. “Women are the least romantic,” Gabe said. “They think, ‘I can do that.’ For a lot of women, it becomes less about love and more about what they can live with.”

The paradox, of course, is that the more it behooves a woman to settle, the less willing she is to settle; a woman in her mid- to late 30s is more discriminating than one in her 20s. She has friends who have known her since childhood, friends who will know her more intimately and understand her more viscerally than any man she meets in midlife. Her tastes and sense of self are more solidly formed. She says things like “He wants me to move downtown, but I love my home at the beach,” and, “But he’s just not curious,” and “Can I really spend my life with someone who’s allergic to dogs?”

I’ve been told that the reason so many women end up alone is that we have too many choices. I think it’s the opposite: we have no choice. If we could choose, we’d choose to be in a healthy marriage based on reciprocal passion and friendship. But the only choices on the table, it sometimes seems, are settle or risk being alone forever. That’s not a whole lot of choice.

And no matter what women decide—settle or don’t settle—there’s a price to be paid, because there’s always going to be regret. Unless you meet the man of your dreams (who, by the way, doesn’t exist, precisely because you dreamed him up), there’s going to be a downside to getting married, but a possibly more profound downside to holding out for someone better.

Ugh! I can't read this shit anymore...

Gawd. I'm reading through past entries of mine. I was hung up on DK for almost a year after our last encounter/fuck. And I only really got over him until I met The Canadian.

Will I be hung up on The Canadian for that long too?

Geezus!

I know I'm wounded right now and it takes time to heal wounds, but am I going to be hung up on some guy who didn't really want me anyway until the next guy (who probably won't really want me) comes along?

Is that how this works?

So frustrating. I bet that guy isn't thinking about his loss for a second. Why am I like this?

Warning signs? Red flags?

Let's see if we can get along first...

When you end up on craigslist writing a personal, I don't care what they say, that is a social low....or....is it a sign of the times. In this fast paced world, of emails, teleconferencing, newsgroups and blogs, is there just less social interaction?- person to person I mean.

So, first off, I think I need to mention how I got to this social low, or decided to use technology to help increase chances of affairs of the heart.

Well, I currently work in the entertainment industry, in production. That means, I have long hours and sometimes work weekends, which makes it hard to have alot of time for someone....but, I will do WHATEVER I CAN TO BE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON when they need me, and make sure I leave special days for just them and I....but it takes time to get there emotionally with me...

I first off, want someone I can talk to, and perhaps relate to. I like to be an entrepenuer, work-out, run, swim, bike ride, rollerblade (I need to buy a pair), shop, (yes I said shop, and I am a straight guy), road trips to BFE without a plan, maybe end up at a local thrift store to pick up trinkets...etc.

I like smart women, looks/nationality/race/creed/national origin/political affiliations are not important, as long as we match. Match meaning, I am average height 5-10, thick build, asian american, brown eyes and hair...I probably would feel odd with a super heavy short girl, or a super tall thin model...

Anyway...I'm at work and I think I hear my boss coming...time to think about work until I hear from you.

What's the worst way you've ever been broken up with?

Hmm. I think over the phone is pretty bad, but then it was a long distance relationship.

I think the worst way ever is to not break up with me. As in just disappear like DK did. When you break up hopefully you say all you have to say and then that's it. When you just disappear you don't have any closure.

A little more than a week before my cruise. I'm not mentally prepared. I think I'll wait for the last minute to get everything ready.

I've been feeling nostalgic lately for all things Ex - ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, ex-dates, ex-friends. I want to share my moments of psycho, so you know that you're not alone (you know who you are). Let's talk about cyber spying on social networks.

My gripe with social networks is that your info is out there for anyone to see (that is if you don't set the right privacy settings) and anyone keep up to date with your happenings. However, the ignorance in privacy settings can work to your advantage when checking up on people from the past.

Recently, I've been curious about the status of one ex-bf. I'm not in the habit of being friends with any of my exes, but I'll write a post about why later. To satisfy my curiosity, I searched him on Facebook. Since we're in the same network (Los Angeles) I was able to look at his profile. He's still single (or so he says). From his profile photos I can tell that he's moved to a new apartment. He still has his cat, and he looks exactly the same.

Next, I checked in on a certain ex-lover-jackass. He's not on Facebook (I searched and searched), but he is on LinkedIn, the social network site for career building. He just started working for a new company on the westside of LA. That means he's probably still living in the westside and he's still a jackass.

Finally, I was curious about what FWC was doing. People at work ask me if I talk to him and, to their disappointment, I tell them I don't speak to him anymore. From another co-worker who is in touch with FWC, it seems like he's still out of work, but spending his time on his many pet projects. I checked out his YouTube page to see if FWC made any new, stupid music videos (FWC thinks he's a rapper).

So, being fully aware that these same people could be looking me up on any said social networks, I made sure that my privacy settings were such to allow only information I wanted them to see. Example, put up the most flattering, sexy, "I bet you wish you were still with me" photo as your Facebook profile picture. Hide everything you don't want them to see. Share everything you do want them to see.

What have you lost that you wish you could get back?
Submitted by, Witch Hazel

I'm answering this because Witch Hazel submitted it.

I wish I could get back my faith in love, the hope and the joy in just the possibilities. I lost all of that with DK because I thought I had found what I was looking for. It probably sounds stupid and my friends have told me so. "You didn't know him long enough to really know him..."

Blah. Blah. Blah.

I don't care how long I've known someone. Sometimes you just meet someone and you connect. I've known people for ages, like all my life even, and I'll never be close to them. How come it can't be the other way around? I met someone and it had the ease and comfort that you see in all those movies or eHarmony commercials. I'm not allowed to have those moments, too?

I will say this once and for all - none of you really know what happened between me and DK, but me and DK.

So, shut it.

It's over and I'm slowly putting myself back together. The end.

I had another dream about DK. I remembered it so vividly this morning, but it's almost 5:30 now and everything's a haze. Long story short, I dreamt that I accidentally called him while he was at the gym. I hung up, praying the phone didn't ring, but it did and he called back. He then told me to that he's not interested and to stop bothering him.

It's kinda what I wanted to hear.

They say actions speak louder than words, but I think there's still something powerful about the act of speaking what you really feel. I respect that. I can deal with that. I want a proper end, but I'm never going to get it.

Last night I sat in the parking lot of my gym for 15 minutes because I thought I saw DK working out. I was paralyzed. I don't want to be haunted anymore.

I had another dream about DK last night. It was so real when I woke up this morning I wasn't sure if it was a dream or if it really happened.

In my dream I was walking down the street and I saw DK with a girl. He spotted me and waved, came up to me to say hello. He said she wasn't his girlfriend, but I knew he was lying. I woke up a little more empty inside.

I guess I'm having a harder time getting over this then I'm willing to admit. All my recent dates have failed because of me and my closed heart. And even though I know it's over between us, it's so hard to move passed this because we never discussed the end.

He just stopped calling me.

I have a family history of neglect and abandonment. So, this feeling of worthlessness is resurfacing. I want feel happiness again.

In October it will be a year since I last saw DK. By that time I'll be on another cruise, this time through the Caribbean. So, again, I'll mend my broken heart the same way I did when the Ex dumped me - out on open waters.

I just got off the phone with a potential date. I don't think I want him to be a potential date anymore.

I've acknowledged that I have trouble settling, but what would I be settling for? This new guy I just talked to is the exact age as me, and yet we're in such different places he can't relate to my life and I can't relate to his. I'm not even 30 and am in a middle management position, have my own place, well cultured, and educated. I don't relate to a guy who still lives with his parents (by choice), still in school yet has no career direction and just wants to talk about food and cars. That sounds like a deal breaker to me.

All I want is to be able to talk to a guy and it won't be a chore.

Sadly, the only guy in recent times that I felt I had a connection with was DK. I guess this is why I hold onto him in my mind and heart so much.

Why is it so difficult? It seems like everyone else can just fall into a relationship. Is there really no guy out there for me?