34 posts tagged “former work crush”

FWC was fired from work yesterday.

He wasn't very good at his job. Actually, he was horrible at it and he's not a diplomatic people person, a skill that his position required. So, when I heard that he had majorly fucked up last week and was asked not to come into work on Friday, I knew this was inevitable.

It was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

I do feel a little bad for him. No one deserves to be out of work in this economy. He didn't have many friends because of his off-putting personality. I was his only friend and since he lost me, well, it seemed like he didn't want to stick around here anyway.

This concludes the story of FWC. He's really out of my life completely and now I just feel free to be and do whatever and whomever I want.

...I want to have sex.

Last night I dreamt I was hanging out with FWC in his apartment. I don't know why, but I'm there and I guess we're friends again in my dream. Anyway, he starts to make a move on me and things get hot and heavy. Soon we're naked and about to have sex, however FWC can't get it in (at least he got it up). He's just poking me and missing the entry and finally gives up saying, "If I don't get it after a couple tries then it's time to give up." I'm not devastated, but not really interested in hanging out anymore, so I pack up and leave.

I did notice that my subconscious gave FWC a small penis and he wasn't circumsized.

I've left FWC's building and I see a man in front of me. I recognize the guy right away. It's DK. When I see a friend unexpectedly and they don't see me, my habit is to tackle them. That's what I did in this dream - I ran up behind DK and tackled him. That's when I notice that he's with a girl (not very pretty at all). DK seems pleased to see me, doesn't introduce me to the girl and all three of us go to a picnic table (magically appears) to catch up.

As DK and I are talking I see out of the corner of my eye the girl try to take DK's hand. He brushes her hand off and then persuades her to go home without him, so he can keep talking to me. When she's gone DK is basically all over me. It feels very familiar. He explains that the girl is just a roommate and he moved in to save some money. There's talk about how much he missed me blah blah blah.

We end up back at my apartment and have sex...successfully.

And that's that. I haven't had sex since October. I'm still keeping with my resolution of less empty sex and more meaningful sex.

So I asked myself, "What would Matty do?" in my FWC email situation.

I read the email.

It was short, but he apologized for treating me and the other women in his life poorly. He admitted that he didn't know where to draw the line between his feelings for me and having a professional working relationship. It gives me some comfort that he acknowledged my letter. This really brings some closure to the relationship.

But that doesn't mean I'm bringing him back into my life.

So, FWC responded to my email. I haven't read it yet and I don't really want to. I don't want to ruin my weekend.

You know I do my best to be forgiving and to offer second, third, fourth chances. I went through all that with Stalker when we were friends...before the stalking happened. Stalker would overstep my boundaries, I'd restate my position (that I didn't like him the same way) and he'd say he understood. So, I'd start being friends with him again because iI believed him to be sincere about respecting my boundaries. Only for shit to happen all over again.

I just don't want that same thing to happen with FWC.

But I talked to one of my girlfriend's last night who believes that maybe FWC just wants to make amends so our working environment isn't so awkward.

All I know is that I'm not interested in even being friends with him anymore. And I don't want him creeping back into my life. I can forgive almost anything, but only if I really, really, really liked the person, even loved them.

I have to make this quick. My internet isn't working so I'm...stealing...a neighbor's wireless.

Former Work Crush talked to me today. I walked past him in the hall and he said

Hey Dating LA. How are you? That's good. Well, I'll talk to you later.

One long conversation as I walked past him, ignoring him. Very pass-aggro. I guess my email didn't work.

After this I just felt disappointed. I stand up for myself and these guys don't believe me. First Stalker, now FWC. What is it with these guys? And I can't help thinking that maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I'm the one who's in the wrong, that I was being too dramatic in stating my boundaries. That I'm being ridiculous in my demands and should just forgive these guys and give them another chance.

So, is it me? Am I the one at fault?

I've been thinking about this for sometime. I think I should be completely honest with you, not just for my sake, but because if I'm not honest you will never learn anything from our former relationship.

There was a time when I was interested in you. I had a work crush and you were it. However, by the time of the holiday party those feelings had faded away. After spending time with you I realized what kind of person you are and you are not the kind of guy I want to be with.

So, your "confession" was surprising to me because based on your actions it was never clear that you had any real, honest feelings for me. In fact, it seemed quite the opposite. For example - would a guy who really had interest in girl call her long distance after his best friend's wedding, only to tell her later that week that, oops, he got drunk that weekend and "accidentally" slept with his friend. And his excuse was "I purposefully went to bed with my clothes on. The next thing I know I wake up naked and on top of her."

So, how did you even end up in the room with her?

Or how about asking supposed girl you're interested in for advice picking flowers for another girl that you only spent one night talking to? Or continuing to deal with a psycho girl from JDate even though you wanted to end the relationship completely?

What I know now is that, when it comes to women, you have no boundaries. A good thing for you, since that means every girl is fair game. But what about that girl who's supposed to be "special"? If you can just casually sleep with any female friend you have, and play knight on the white horse for every psycho, how is the "Special" girl supposed to feel special? Because you said so?

Bullshit.

I respect men more when they take ownership of their actions. No excuses. You want to sleep around, that's fine. Just use a condom. Don't weasel your way out of it.

If anything you lead all these girls on. The psycho from JDate, your friend from New York, maybe even your friend from Japan. You led them all on with your ambiguous behavior.

Oh, and your "confession" was pathetic. Is a girl supposed to be flattered that within the same breathe you tell her you have feelings for her, but not enough to take the risk of going out with her because of work?

For me, the guy who is my boyfriend gets full access to every part of me - emotionally, mentally, physically. This is why I will only dance for my boyfriend, and I will only tell my boyfriend my [Asian] name. This is how I show him that he's different from my male friends. This is why I will never dance for you and I will never tell you my [Asian] name.

You don't deserve it.

And yet you keep insisting. That's exactly what my Stalker used to do. He thought he was entitled to such a privilege. I think I should decide that. I also know that you don't have boundaries with women because you don't respect boundaries. Didn't I tell you that I didn't want to talk to you? And yet you give me gallery cards and tried to talk to me today.

What do you think you're doing?

I considered talking to you in person about this, but honestly, I'm not interested in any excuses you have to explain your behavior. I don't want your apology. This is who you are.

Oh, and I lied. I have been in love. That's why I know I can never settle for anything less than I deserve.

I might have to talk to my HR rep.

I came into work this morning and found some postcards from a couple art galleries on my desk. FWC knows I collect such things and he was in the office early.

Grrrrrrr. Why do losers who are "in love" with me always keep bothering me?

Remember what I wrote about the "ew" effect? I'm feeling major ew right now. We walked by each other in the hallway and he was like "I left some cards on your desk."

Yeah, I know. How? Because I'm Sherlock-fucking-Holmes.

Pearls of relationship insight from my little brother.

Brother: this girl likes me
Brother: and my book said
Brother: to get her to like me more
Brother: i have to be mean to her and ignore her
Brother: and its working
Brother: it also said
Brother: to give her mixed messages
Brother: like say you like her
Brother: and then ignore her
Brother: and then ignore her
Brother: and doing then do something nice
Brother: and then be mean
Brother: and ignore her
Brother: and then say you like her
DatingLA: why would you want to give a girl mixed feelings is my question
DatingLA: why even bother with your time
DatingLA: it's mean
DatingLA: and confusing
Brother: it works
DatingLA: this guy is doing that to me
DatingLA: so i'm dropping him
Brother: no youre not
DatingLA: yeah i am
Brother: youve said you were gonna drop him for the last 3 months
DatingLA: who? DK?
Brother: ya
DatingLA: that's not that guy i'm talking about
Brother: oh ok
Brother: well
Brother: it works
Brother: he gave you mixed messages
Brother: and he ignored you
Brother: it works
DatingLA: but why would he WANT to do that
Brother: to get you to like him?
Brother: nice guys finish last
Brother: i tried being nice
Brother: and not being like
Brother: but it doesnt work
DatingLA: but after a while it gets old and tiring
DatingLA: a girl gets tired of the mixed feelings
DatingLA: in the end...the guy has to be a bit more assertive
Brother: well hes probably doing it to like 50 other girls at the same time
DatingLA: he's told me about them
DatingLA: and then he turns around and says that we're the psychos
Brother: well my book said
Brother: that a person who talks bad about ex's is a bad sign
Brother: its a sign of immaturity
DatingLA: ah

And drop him I did. I dropped Former Work Crush perminantly. No more mixed messages. No more bullshit. No more indecision on his part. If he can't decide then I'll decide. I didn't invite him to my birthday lunch.

Actually, the vengeful bitch in me invited him, then uninvited him. Sound familiar?

The FWC called me on Sunday, right before the Oscars.

Him: Do you want to see [movie] with me?
Me: Sure. I went to a movie this morning.
Him: Oh, you did? Hmm. Two movies in a day. Seems like a bit much.
Me: Well, if I stayed at home, I'll just be looking at a screen watching TV.
Him: True. Well, maybe it's better not to see a movie. I think I'll just stay home.

Cut to yesterday at work.

Him: I saw the [movie] last night.
Me: I thought you said you were staying in.
Him: I did. And then I went out.
Me: *disappointed look
Him: What?
Me: Well, you called me and asked me to a movie, then uninvited me and said you were staying in, but you went out anyway.
Him: Yeah, but I think seeing two movies in a day is a lot, at least for me.
Me: I'm not you.

Anyway, my point completely missed by FWC and his BBB (Bizarre Boy Behavior) was why the fuck did he call me in the first place? Fine. Whatever. Don't waste my time, if I'm not really worth your time.

Me: we never do stuff anymore
FWC: :(
FWC: Lets do something tonight then
Me: like what?
FWC: I dont know
FWC: Lets go talk and get hot chocolate or something
Me: ok
FWC: Cool

I knew exactly what I was doing. I was trying to make something happen, as one former reader pointed out once. But nothing happened. We went to his apartment to talk and then out to dinner. The entire time was spent avoiding the things he possibly said about him being interested in me. I came away wholeheartedly believing that FWC is just plain confused about women.

And he's a coward.

If he really digs me, he's setting up a lot of barriers to not be with me. Excuses like "we shouldn't because we work together" or "we shouldn't because I'm not [religious affiliation]". I don't find this flattering to me at all. It makes me think that he's ashamed to be with me and that, frankly, he's really not that interested.

I don't want to date anymore cowards. The thing I loved about DK was that when I was with him, he made me feel like the center of his universe. He threw caution to the wind, left all his reservations behind. He was with me. What other obstacles would FWC put in place if we were to hook up?