7 posts tagged “friends”
I say, "we were never friends." Once we're over all obligations are done.
What I mean by "we were never friends" is that there's a clear distinction between why you end up friends with someone and why you date someone. There's a level of possession, need, desire with the one you date. You don't feel any pressure of hurting feelings if you tell a friend you went out on a hot date. There's no pressure because there's less emotions invested. While you can care and love your friends, the level of intimacy is less intense than with someone you date.
I used to feel so guilty for not being able to be friends with an ex. I felt like I was just a bitch and couldn't get over that person. The truth is I never really get over any of my boyfriends. Or maybe I just don't want that reminder of failure in my face. I don't want that person around and watch them move on while I wonder "what happened to us? Why didn't he want me?"
I don't want to think about all the things that never were. - Britney Spears, Out From Under
The way I see it now is if someone thinks or has the audacity to want to be my friend after a relationship, I probably didn't mean that much in the first place. Wouldn't he be hurt that our relationship ended too? If he really wanted me and just me, wouldn't he want all of me to the very limit and wouldn't settle for less, especially since he has all of me right there and now? Anyone who can make the transition from lover to friend, in my eyes, probably didn't invest as much emotionally to begin with. The loss wasn't that great and, therefore, the shift in relationship status isn't that big a change.
He always thought of me as a friend. A friend he could fuck. A fucking friend does not a girlfriend make.
Recently my girlfriend G and her bf broke up. She was devastated. You see, she's the type of girl who needs her self-worth validated by a man. I was certain she would never break up with him. She needs him too much; any man too much. So, I was shocked at the break up.
I thought for sure she'd do anything to make it work.
And I guess I was right because she's going to give it another go with the guy. I can't hold that against her. I did the same with the Canadian. But now that she's back together with him, I can't help but ask...
Did she learn anything about herself?
Here's a dear friend of mine who can't even see how fantastic she is. Who has just barely scrapped the surface of what she's capable of. She's afraid unless she has someone (ie: a guy) reinforce her. I bet she wouldn't have been so afraid to show off her 112lbs frame at the beach if her bf was around. I just watch her end up with these insecure, relationship inexperienced boys. Then she complains that they don't want the relationship to progress; they have trouble communicating; she constantly has to validate them...I wonder if she'll ever get it.
You act insecure, you attract insecure.
She says she wishes she could be more like me - adventurous, risk-taking, etc. What's stopping her? Nothing. Anything she believes is a barrier is an illusion. It's all a choice. I have (unfounded) hang-ups, too, but I hope I'm pushing through my fears to be a stronger person.
If everything works out, then that's wonderful. It means there was some sort of transformation between the two and they've become stronger for it. It's not for me to tell her what to do, what to think, what to realize from her experiences. That's her own discovery.
But I can't help, but think that this was the same friend who encouraged me, everytime, to dump the guy. It doesn't seem fair somehow...
Let's not be cruel and beat this thing like a dead horse, rotting in the sun with flies swarming around.
The Irishman requested the WTF Report from OKCupid. The report compares two people's profile questionnaire answers and determines "what went wrong" in the match. A few days ago I got this email.
Turned up some interesting differences between us. It also reminded me that I hadn't answered some of those questions since college. Some things don't change. There are some pretty cataclysmic differences between us. I'm looking for a relationship, I'm all friended up right now. I don't know where else we can take this. It's a pity, as I rather liked you. Let me know what you're thinking.
To which I answered
Yeah, it was stupid to offer setting him up with my girlfriends, but honestly I'd be happy to do it. He might not be a match for me, but he could make one of my friends happy. Spread the love.Well, I wouldn't put too much investment in a dating site's questionnaire. I think people can over look major differences, for the right person.
What's missing for me is just that mysterious thing called chemistry. I have a nice time with you and I could just allow myself to keep spending time with you, but there's just no telling if I'd eventually feel romantic towards you over time or not. And it seems cruel to drag you along, especially now that I know what you're looking for. You want a girlfriend.
The only thing I can offer you now is friendship and introducing you to my single girlfriends, if that doesn't offend you.
He declined my offer. Figures.
I consider our acquaintanceship officially over and done with. Oh well, there are more boys to destroy *wink.
So, I told the Irishman that I only feel platonic towards him. I asked him about what he meant on his blog and he said he wasn't sure if I was expecting him to kiss me or not.
The only thing I feel bad about is that our entire conversation was over text messages. I tried to call him, but he wouldn't answer his phone. For some reason he just loves communicating through SMS.
And that's that. No dates lined up. I'm in a dating funk anyway.
Is it selfish of me to be happy that my friend FINALLY ends her relationship with her horrible Ex because I finally have a single girlfriend who can hang out with me?
I really hated her Ex.
Now I have a potential buddy in crime - dating crime. She's still broken hearted about the end of this long-term relationship, but I'm thinking of all the wonderful possibilities. Now she can buy whatever shoes she likes without being critized by her Ex. Now I have someone who will try speed dating with me. Maybe I can even get her to try S Factor which has been the most rewarding thing I've done for myself in a long time.
Single can be so much fun as soon as you remember what you left behind when you got into that relationship - yourself.
Tonight I was raging. RAAAAAAGING. And over something that only I could possibly rage about - being ignored. Not by a boy, but by my friend who was on the phone with our mutual friend. Mutual Friend just got back from Spain and is in town for a short time before moving to another country with her fiance forever.
And I was being ignored. Left out. When do I get to talk to Mutual Friend?
So, I stormed off to rage; I went home and fought traffic in a road rage; and circled my neighborhood looking for parking while raging.
Why do I do this? Ugh.
No boys this weekend. Work Crush is out of town. Thank goodness. Things are getting kind of...weird...between us.
Made the mistake of mentioning my DK overnighter to G. I haven't been keeping her up to date with my exploits with him, so when I mentioned it she was shocked - she thought he was out of the picture.
You saw him?!
I've been seeing him.
I don't want to talk about him. He really pisses me off.
Well, I don't like your boyfriend either, so you shouldn't be saying anything about my fuck buddy.
Which brings me to why I'm writing this post - how much of my decisions are based on what my friends think, and should I really be listening to them when they clearly don't have the ideal relationship either? I have only two girlfriends who are in great, healthy relationships. All my other girlfriends have some sort of gripe, but stick with it which I never understood. Well, I guess I do now because why would I be sticking with DK for so long?
It's so much easier to judge and make good decisions for someone else. When it comes to your own life everything gets muddled up.
No one knows what really goes on between me and DK but me and DK. I make decisions for myself, good or bad. I'm having a good time. I'll deal with the consequences later.
