14 posts tagged “online”
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Looking for stories of internet dating!
Reply to: [email]
Date: 2009-04-13, 3:16PM
Hi, I'm a National talk show host with my own show. I'm looking to do a future show on internet dating. Is it emotional cheating? Was your experience good? bad or just indifferent? I want to hear your experiences!! Please contact me at the email address above! I'm listening!!!
I hate chatting online. I hate chatting online as a means of "getting to know you". I grew out of chatting with strange boys and falling in love with them once I graduated from high school.
The thing about chatting online is there's too much of your own projected fantasies and expectations built up in the conversation. And when you do finally meet each other, you've pretty much set yourself up for disappointment because what guy can live up to the guy you imagined in your mind.
No one.
So, by rule I try to meet the guys in person as soon as possible. That's why I was already irritated by date K220508 because he wanted to chat with me and there was no sign that he was going to ask me out. I finally had to tell him that I usually don't chat with guys for extended periods of time (we've been chatting on and off, more off, for about 3 weeks). I prefer to meet them ASAP for the reasons above.
But it was already too late because he was growing attached to me online. Dude, I'm at work, so I can't sit there and respond to each of your IMs right away. I have shit to do. He started looking up things for us to do together. And then there was this.
*hugs
He would type that to me. Hugs. Gag! I don't know you and you don't know me and you're cyber hugging me.
As I learned more about him through our phone conversation, I knew we were incompatible. I was bored. I was annoyed. I had enough.
But I still wanted my free dinner.
Do you ever get moments where you go against your instincts? I'm having one of those right now.
I have two dates set up at the end of the week, Friday and Saturday. Both from Crazy Blind Date. I'm thinking CBD is either a miracle or disaster in the making. Miracle because CBD takes all the work out of online dating and they just pick somebody for you. Disaster because CBD did all the work for me and just picked somebody.
The only reason why I'm sticking with CBD right now is because of laziness.
Do you know how much work goes into online dating? Writing a creative, unique profile for yourself; searching through hundreds of (mis)matches; contacting potentials; reading responses; rejecting losers; getting over the rejection from the "winners" (stupidjerkasshole). Just to start all over again.
It's early in the week. I'm supposed to...start...today.
I signed up for JDate and I found Work Crush's profile. He last signed on 11 days ago.
And he says he's not looking.
This is just too funny. I am so over it.
Last week I did something I shouldn't have done. I answered a personal ad on Craigslist. I thought getting back in the game was what I needed to get me out of myself and my depression. I bounced an email back and forth with this guy. After sending him my photo (the one I always send to perspectives) he wrote back.
Where do you live? Is that the only photo you have of yourself? How tall are ya?
That's when I realized - this is totally fucked up. This entire process is a total waste of time.
I wrote back:
I live in [Los Angeles]. I have more photos of course, but you didn't send a photo so... I'm 5'4".
I'm not what you're looking for. You seem to have something very specific in mind, so I won't waste my time anymore. Take care.
Too nice, I know, but I was so flabbergasted by his response. What the fuck do you want, a naked photo?
The problem with online dating is that we're asked to list traits we want in that person and traits we see in ourselves. This is the same logic we used as kids to determine our BFFs - I like Jem and you like Jem. Best friends forever. It's bullshit. I know, for myself, the list of qualities or traits I find attractive changes from guy to guy. Everyone can write that they're seeking a healthy, fit partner, but in reality I would put up with some chub if I dig the guy; it just depends on the guy.
I'm not against meeting people online because the internet is a great tool. It's just this one piece is flawed because we're flawed. And unfortunately I'm living in a city full of shallow dreamers in make-believe-land. There's got to be a better way.
Something happened with my IM and it didn't block J270607, but it resulted in an interesting online conversation.
J270607: hi
DatingLA: hey
DatingLA: how was your 4th
J270607: it was ok
J270607: ...and you?
DatingLA: it was alright....
J270607: did u see fireworks?
DatingLA: no
DatingLA: i heard them
DatingLA: i was pretty tired yesterday
DatingLA: i stayed up late on tuesday
J270607: ah... where did u go?
DatingLA: i stayed over at "my boyfriend's"
That last bit was my attempt to throw out a red flag. Sometimes I'll intentionally throw out red flags to encourage a guy to lose interest in me because I'm not interested in him. Oh, the games I play...
J270607: bfs?
DatingLA: well i've been seeing a guy
J270607: ok
J270607: friends w/ benefits?
DatingLA: i'd say fuck buddy
J270607: ic... lucky guy
DatingLA: haha...i guess...
J270607: hehe... i need to find one too:-P
DatingLA: well...it's pretty easy i think
I do think it's easy to find a fuck buddy on CL. You just have to be open minded to the situation. Hey, it's just sex, right?
Okay, so here's where it got interesting:
J270607: so i guess u dont want to hang out w/ me anymore?
DatingLA: huh...what do you mean?
DatingLA: because I'm seeing someone?
J270607: yea
DatingLA: i can still have friends who are guys
DatingLA: but..if you were interested in something else, then no we shouldn't hang out
J270607: well i am interested but its ok
J270607: friends is cool
J270607: i guess :-P
DatingLA: ok :)
J270607: i might have to steal u away though :-P
DatingLA: haha...
During our date I never got the feeling he was interested. Why didn't he seal the deal for a second date then? Doesn't matter; I'm not that interested in him.
I realized that the guy can still be interested in me even if he doesn't take the next step. All this time I operated under the notion that if I didn't hear from the guy, he clearly lost interest. Maybe they were waiting for me to call or email or IM. Some of them think "she's not that interested in me."
And those guys are right. I wasn't holding my breath for any of them to call. Well, except for...you know who.
I read a post from Jenny about this new, free dating site Just Say Hi. Of course I can't resist. I am "seeing other people" and writing this amazing blog about dating.
I just received my first contact via this site and...well...it's a keeper for the trash bin. The guy is 24, below my age limit. But the clincher was his profile photo of him holding his cellphone to his face and sticking his tongue out provocatively.
Other red flags? No job. MySpace-style "testimonials" from "friends" aka anonymous women who engage in amateur porn photography.
Class all the way.
I cheated on D200407. I made plans to meet R220407 earlier this week for brunch and I didn't want to break it suddenly because I really wanted to eat brunch.
Yes, I'm that hungry.
But perhaps I should have canceled the date because R220407 turned out to be very sheltered. At 35 if you don't know what the number 420 represents then there can't be any future between us. Not to mention the guy's worked at the same company since graduating college. That's 15 years with no ambitions or goals. We're just from different worlds and I don't see myself with a guy who settled too early in life. The complete opposite of D200407.
Are you going to tell D200407 about the other guy?
No. Well, I don't know. What purpose would it serve?
I'm supposed to see D200407 tonight. I really want to see him.
